Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize