All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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