Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize