i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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