Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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