how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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