I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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