You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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