2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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