he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize