So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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