Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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