last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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