Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
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Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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