She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
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The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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i think my cat just said my name.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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