Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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