We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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