Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
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I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize