Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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