Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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