I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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