my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize