Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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