Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize