He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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