chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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