from now on my penis is your penis
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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