did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
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I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
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Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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