Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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