would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
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I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
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And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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