His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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