Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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