Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
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He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
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I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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