I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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