i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize