you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize