sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize