if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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