tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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