Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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