captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
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I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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