Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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