so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
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Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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