Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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