I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
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Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
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Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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