My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
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Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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