He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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