She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
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P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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