I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You are the jesus of drinking
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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