he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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